COOKIE MONSTER thinks about what he has done

Me know. Me have problem.

Me love cookies. Me tend to get out of control when me see cookies. Me know it not natural to react so strongly to cookies, but me have weakness. Me know me do wrong. Me know it isn't normal. Me see disapproving looks. Me see stares. Me hurt inside.

When me get back to apartment, after cookie binge, me can't stand looking in mirror—fur matted with chocolate-chip smears and infested with crumbs. Me try but me never able to wash all of them out. Me don't think me is monster. Me just furry blue person who love cookies too much. Me no ask for it. Me just born that way.

Me was thinking and me just don't get it. Why is me a monster? No one else called monster on Sesame Street. Well, no one who isn't really monster. Two-Headed Monster have two heads, so he real monster. Herry Monster strong and look angry, so he probably real monster, too. But is me really monster?

Me thinks me have serious problem. Me thinks me addicted. But since when it acceptable to call addict monster? It affliction. It disease. It burden. But does it make me monster?

How can they be so callous? Me know there something wrong with me, but who in Sesame Street doesn't suffer from mental disease or psychological disorder? They don't call the vampire with math fetish monster, and me pretty sure he undead and drinks blood. No one calls Grover monster, despite frequent delusional episodes and obsessive-compulsive tendencies. And the obnoxious red Grover—oh, what his name?—Elmo! Yes, Elmo live all day in imaginary world and no one call him monster. No, they think he cute. And Big Bird! Don't get me started on Big Bird! He unnaturally gigantic talking canary! How is that not monster? Snuffleupagus not supposed to exist—woolly mammoths extinct. His very existence monstrous. Me least like monster. Me maybe have unhealthy obsession, but me no monster.

No. Me wrong. Me too hard on self. Me no have unhealthy obsession. Me love cookies, but it no hurt anyone. Me just enthusiast. Everyone has something they like most, something they get excited about. Why not me? Me perfectly normal. Me like cookies. So what? Cookies delicious. Cookies do not make one monster. Everyone loves cookies.

Me no monster. Me OK guy. Me OK guy who eat cookies.

Who me kidding? Me know me never actually eat cookies. Me only crumble cookies in mouth, but me no swallow. Me can't swallow. Me no have no esophagus. Me no have no trachea. Me only have black fabric throat. Me not supposed to be able to even talk.

Me no eat cookies.
Me destroy cookies.
Me crush cookies.
Me mutilate cookies.
Me make it so no one get cookies.

Everyone right. Me really is cookie monster.
I GO EAT MORE COOKIE- MAYBE I FEEL BETTER

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IF MOVIE posters told the truth

from buzzfeed
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THE human centipede




PLOT! ( serious giveaway, not that it matters cause its not like you are actually gonna watch it)

The film begins with the antagonist, Dr. Heiter, kidnapping a truck driver by the side of a road. Later, two U.S. tourists, Lindsay and Jenny, arrive at Heiter's house as they search for help after getting a flat tire. Heiter quickly drugs the women, when they awake they find themselves beside the kidnapped trucker in a makeshift hospital ward in the doctor's basement. Heiter informs the trucker that he is not a 'match' for the girls and kills him. When the women next wake, the trucker has been replaced by a new captive, Japanese tourist Katsuro.
The doctor explains to his captives that he is a world-renowned expert at separating conjoined twins, but dreams of making new creatures that share a single digestive system by joining separate individuals via their mouths and anuses. He explains that his previous experiment, a creature made of three dogs, died. However, he explains how he will attach the three human subjects to each other to form what he refers to as a 'human centipede'. The doctor then explains in great detail to his captives exactly how he will go about surgically connecting them. Once the surgery is complete, the doctor begins training his 'centipede' to perform tasks. Katsuro, as the front part of the centipede, refuses to do as he is told, and the doctor beats him. When Katsuro defecates, Lindsay is forced to swallow his excrement and the doctor watches with great delight. However, Heiter eventually becomes irritated after being kept awake by the constant screaming of his victims and realizing that Jenny is dying from blood poisoning.

Two police detectives, Kranz and Voller, visit Heiter to investigate the disappearance of tourists in the area. After the detectives leave, Heiter informs his captives that Jenny will soon be replaced by two new parts. Katsuro stabs him with a scalpel and fails an attempt to rip out Heiter's jugular vein with his teeth, and the "centipede" attempts to escape as Heiter crawls after them. Katsuro faces the doctor with a piece of broken glass in his hand and says that he deserved to become an insect because he treated his family poorly. He then kills himself with the glass. At this point, the police officers break into the house, and Heiter crawls away to hide in the room with his swimming pool. Kranz is shocked as he discovers Heiter's victims and soon finds Voller dead in the swimming pool near an armed Dr. Heiter. Heiter and Kranz shoot and kill each other. Jenny finally dies from her blood poisoning, leaving Lindsay alone in the house, trapped between her deceased fellow captives.

SEQUEL!
A sequel, titled The Human Centipede II (Full Sequence) has been planned for theaters in 2011, with filming starting in London in June 2010. Full Sequence will supposedly include a centipede composed of twelve individuals. Tom Six has stated that the first film will get audiences used to the idea of a human centipede, preparing them for the idea of a much more graphic and disturbing sequel, 'First Sequence' being "'My Little Pony compared with part two."Tom Six has claimed that he is developing ideas for a third part, but wants to see what will happen with the second part first.

MAKEUP TUTORIAL!
cause everybody wants to look like they have had their mouth sewn onto another persons arse.
I can just imagine it, come Halloween time
"muumy, i wanna look like a ballerina!"
"ok lisa, will do"
"muumy, i wanna look like the human centipede!"
"whats that mary?"
"oh, all you have to do is get 2 dummies and sew my arse onto their mouths!"
"dannit mary, i knew i should have never smoked when you were born!"
here is a screenshot of the finished product!
that video ad is so mean! i mean come on, we get it shes overweight but jeez
i just love it when she says at the end, "now i look like a whale that's had plastic surgery and died eating shit."

NOW IF YOU DARE YOU CAN WATCH PART ONE OF THE ACTUAL MOVIE!
SOMEWHERE ONLINE, BUT I CANT FIND A LINK
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BABYgaga

It starts out cute, but then it gets weird, but still kinda cute. I don't know what to think actually.

In yet another hilarious instance of "babies doing adult things," we bring you Baby Gaga. She's under 5 and already has her own cell phone!


While there's no doubt it's entertaining, covering her in all that makeup and subjecting her to anything Gaga-related may be crossing the line. Or is it too cute to even matter? (via Buzzfeed)

no, actually it IS to cute to matter.
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CELEBRITY cause of death

1. Lindsay Lohan

Duh. Likeliest causes: drugs, alcohol, propensity for being involved in car crashes, child star curse.

  • 2. Justin Bieber


    Likeliest cause: angry teenage mob.

  • 3. Robert Pattinson


    Likeliest cause: slightly older angry teenage mob.

  • 4. Tila Tequila


    Likeliest cause: all life choices.

  • 5. Heidi Montag


    Likeliest causes: implant explosion.

  • 6. Nick Jonas


    Likeliest cause: diabetes.

  • 7. Kendra Wilkinson


    Likeliest cause: STDs.

  • 8. Britney Spears


    Likeliest cause: sadness.

  • 9. Levi Johnston


    Likeliest cause: ATV accident.

  • 10. Ke$ha


    Likeliest cause: alcohol poisoning.

  • 11. Ali Lohan


    Likeliest cause: proximity to Lindsay Lohan.

  • 12. Snooki


    Likeliest cause: assault.

  • 13. Frankie Muniz


    Likeliest causes: race-car driving, child star curse.

  • 14. Mischa Barton


    Likeliest cause: drugs.

  • 15. Taylor Momsen


    Likeliest cause: drugs.

  • 16. Kristin Cavalleri


    Likeliest cause: drugs.

  • 17. Jodie Sweetin


    Likeliest causes: drugs (specifically meth), child star curse.

  • 18. the cast of Glee


    Likeliest causes: exhaustion, teen mobs

  • 19. Jake Gyllenhaal


    Likeliest cause: precipitous fall (of his career.)

  • 20. Amy Winehouse


    Likeliest cause: inevitability.

  • 21. Lady Gaga


    Likeliest cause: strangled by costume.

  • 22. Mary Kate Olsen


    Likeliest cause: strangled by clothes.

  • 23. Jay Cutler


    Likeliest cause: diabetes.

  • 24. Anne Hathaway


    Likeliest cause: nefarious boyfriend.

  • 25. Noah Cyrus


    Likeliest cause: family's life choices.

  • 26. Kirsten Dunst


    Likeliest causes: alcohol poisoning, child star curse.

  • 27. Dakota Fanning


    Likeliest cause: vampires.

  • 28. Jonathan Lipnicki


    Likeliest cause: child star curse.

  • 29. Michael Cera


    Likeliest cause: backlash whiplash.

  • 30. Sienna Miller


    Likeliest cause: vicious girl-on-girl hate.
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