Peter: Who was that guy?
Stewie: Oh, yes, Meg, yes-yes yes, everything was going swimmingly for you until this. Yes, yes, THIS is the thing that will ruin your reputation, not your years of grotesque appearance, or your awkward social graces, or that Felix Ungerish way you clear your sinuses, no no no, it's THIS. Do you hear yourself talk? I might kill you tonight.
Lois: And you know what? I'm gonna take that chance my father never let me take when I was younger. I'm gonna become a model!
Peter: Hey, that's fantastic, Lois! And I'll pleasure myself to your photos.
Chris: Me too!
Meg: Me too!
Peter: Oh! Oh! God! Meg! That's sick! That's your mother!
Meg (shrugs): I'm just trying to fit in.
Peter: Get out! Get out of this house!
(Meg doesn't move. Peter punches wall.)
Peter: I SAID GET OUT OF THIS HOUSE NOW!
(Meg runs out and Peter closes the door.)
Peter: That's a good about your modeling, Lois.
Peter (In Asiatown): Oh my God it's Jackie Chan! (Asian guy walks away)
Peter (to next Asian guy): Oh my God it's Jackie Chan! (Asian guy again walks away)
Peter (to another Asian guy): Oh my God it's Jackie Chan!
Jackie Chan: Great to see I have a fan! Oh my God it's Ethan Hawk!
Peter: No I'm not.
Jackie Chan to Chris: Oh my God it's Ethan Hawk!
Jackie Chan to Meg: Oh my God it's Malcom in Middle!
Meg: Im not a boy!
Jackie Chan: Yes you are.
Meg: Finally, look Mom I've had it. I'm not babysitting anymore. It's Saturday night I could be out having a life.
Lois: Meg, if you don't wanna babysit anymore that's fine, but don't you stand there and lie to me.
Peter: OH-HO Meg, she torched your ass man! She torched your ass.
Meg (to boy): Please go out with me. I'm just trying to make Neil jealous. I promise I'll pay and everything.
Boy: Yeah...uhh...that sounds cool but I'm gonna be in the hospital that night.
(shoots himself in the stomach with a nail gun)
Meg: Mom guess what! I made the Flag Girl squad
Stewie: Flag Girl? Ummmm, yes good for you... Now you can be somewhere else when the boys don't call!
(Lois reading Meg's diary with the rest of the family gathered around)
Lois: Dear Diary, Kevin is so hot. Today he was raking the yard. God I wish he'd throw me into that pile of leaves. (Laughter)
Meg: (Walks into the room) Hey what's everyone... Oh my God! You're reading my diary! I HATE YOU ALL! WHAAAAAAA! (Runs away crying)
Peter: (Opens beer) Keep going!
Meg: Hi, Craig. Umm, I was wondering if maybe you would want to, I don't know, go out sometime?
Craig Hoffman: Huh, that's about as likely as me playing by someone else's rules besides my own. Which I would never do. I play by my own rules, nobody else's, not even my own.
Meg: How 'bout a movie?
Craig: I don't go out with dudes.
Meg asks the guy in the shop class to go out on a date...)
Meg: Please go out with me. I am just trying to make Neil jealous. I promise I'll pay and everything.
Boy: Yeah, uh, that sounds cool, but I'm going to be in the hospital that night. (Boy shoots himself with the nail gun in the stomach.) OHHHOWWW!! (in pain, drags himself away)
Meg: Wow! This looks just like my room at home!
Lois: Yeah! Except for all of the trophies and pictures of friends.
Meg: Can I be in the play, Mom?
Stewie: Oh yes, you can be the dumpy teenage girl who cries backstage because no one finds her attractive.
Peter: I've had a good life. And you can always be proud of your father and all of his accomplishments.
Meg: What accomplishments?
Peter: Go to your room.
(Meg walks in after getting a make-over)
Meg: Look everybody I got a makeover!!
Peter: Aw, Meg I thought you were always beautiful...(bursts out laughing). Whoa, coudn't do that with a straight face, huh? Chris, go burn all of Meg's old pictures.