CAPTAIN AMERICA comme smasher!

 Once again i find myself groveling for apology for lack of blogging, hopefully soon i will have finished my novel and can share it with you all. Until then here's Captain America. who, for the record, is without a doubt the best superhero. Ever.

Hey everybody. It's Halloween. Great.

I shall apologise for lack of posting lately-AKA no posting. I thought i had set up a wireless connection inside my head that sent my thoughts and ideas and vocalised them into posts. wells, apparently you cannot set up a wireless network inside your cranium, which is news to me quite frankly.

Every single computer in existence has decided to butcher my blogging hopes and dreams.
Never mind, lets continue

As you have have deduced it's Halloween pretty soon and whats says Halloween like terrible celebrity themed wigs.

I have also changed the header for Halloween. which is also pretty darn cool.
Maybe the worlds of Internet shall let me enter soon, but until that time GOODBYE.

Pop Tart Memoires

Every so often a occasion so momentous occurs. Today was one of those days. As i write, my eye's are being drawn to the colourful packaging of what used to be a Pop Tart. How did I obtain this wonder of artificial goodness? Let's continue.

It was Sunday morning and i was confused about daylight savings- Hour forward or Hour back? My little brother wanted to go to rebel sports and buy some goalie glove's or something, so we hopped in the car and off we drove. After making it there he tripped down the stairs- which looked pretty cool if you ask me.

And just like in the movies he escaped with merly a few cuts and scrapes. Afterwards, we walked into the sports shop and what followed was what seemed to be hours  worth of wondering around waiting while family member's tried on sports clothing and stuff.

Finally, after what seemed to be an eternity we left the shop and progressed onwards to, in my opinion the main event.

Martha's backyard is a shop of wonder. All products are imported from the USA, which as many of you know is quite the obsession of mine.
As i walked into the shop the smell of what i guessed was cornsyrup hit me and i immediately felt at home. Surrounding me were racks and racks of American clothes, food and everything else under the sun.

After througly searching the store over and trying on a few clothes here and there i settled on a packet of two Pop Tarts- brown sugar cinnamon flavour, My little borther opted for the red vines- although spat them out once trying them, and my sister opted to stay at home and sleep in.

On the drive home- i finally examined the ingredients. And honestly i coudnt be bothered writing them down, but trust me there are lots, and there are more numbers than words.

On the poptart website i found this coment which i believe sum's up the amazing american way of life.

PJ, FloridaI just bought the whole entire shelf of Popsters that Walmart had left these things are the BOMB Please keep them
Posted: September 23, 2010
Once i had arrived home i was excited to try my toaster treat ( Pop tarts are not normally sold in NZ) although i was slightly disheartened upon tasting the red vines. Which tasted strange, the only way to describe them is 'wrong'. I bustled through the door and ripped open the packet, and i was greeted by two carboard thin pastry thingies. From reading the packet in the car i knew to heat them on the lowest temp. in the toaster.
After waiting paitiently they finally came out, yet i was quite disapointed they didn't pop out into my hand like on TV, instead i had to turn of the toaster and use a knife to scoop them out. Maybe on the journey from the USA to NZ they lost their 'pop power'.
Finally i sampled one cautiously, after being warned that they may burn my tounge off, and was delighted. I kept biting until the Pop Tart became nothing more than a distant memory and 550 calories.
*cannot post for two weeks, holidays!*

FOR YOU CHEWING GUM i'll trade you 2 dollars, a lollipop and my wife

Today I have taken it upon myself to write about WIFESWAP.
well firstly you have a strict family and a mellow family. Now the rule remains the same but in each episode the strict family and the mellow one has a differnce. They are opposites. like one family is obese chicken loving goodness and one is a military style boot camp.
that was actually an episode. LOOK

the show starts with a little intro thingy which always get you excited with things like

then they introduce the families, like i mentioned before they are polar opposites

for the next week the wife will swap families and live their lifestyle.
at first they see the house in which they live in and the camera zooms up all over their schoked expressions. sometimes they even mumur to themselves "i cant believe they can live like this"
at first there is heaps of conflict between the families because of their differences

but after a while they begin to accept each others lifestyles. although normally the mellow wife and the strict husband hate each other till the very end but the strict mum and the mellow dad are best of friends. remember in that episode where the mellow dad who collects pens ended up marrying the wife he swapped. Well i did.
in the end they play that  catchy song to a montage of the couples being reunited.
i almost forgot. in the really old episodes they had 100grand to award the family in the ways they was thought was  nessecery but i guess they have cheaped out.



THE war has begun! Not the war on petrol or pencil inflation but the war on *shudder*  lasagna. Therefore i have started a campaign. It is the campaign to pronounce lasagna like la-sag-na. And although the campaign is still in the works i will reveal some of the posters and slogans, soon to be released.

firstly, here is the main poster. (PRETTY AWESOME!)
And next are the advirtisments explaining why la-sag-na can improve the condition of the earth.

eg- the newzealand herald should look like this
and all the nz info books should look like this-
it says 'nw renamed la-sag-na land' damn you pixelation
see you then(:

oh, you are just PRECIOUS!

I have taken it upon myself to redo the ending of some sad movies so it ends better. Simple enough, right? So, if i may i will start with a movie that is extremely extremely depressing. its all about a fat girl called precious, and she is really really fat! she weighs like 4gabillion tonnes ( exaggeration maybe..) and her dad rapes her, her mum abuses her, she has AIDS and two down syndrome kids. so yeah, pretty much if i was directing the movie this is how it would have ended...

Firstly, we should kill of, her mum, dad and kids cause they just screw up her life even more. They got hit by a school bus.

Next up, is the fact the she is obese. in this case she bruised her shins, and went to get a plaster but accidentally gave herself a gastric bypass ( as you do)

Now, with her new body, she scored a role in a hit new movie and made millions! Not to mention starting of a very promising new acting career.

Next up she read a book, and realized she was not illiterate, but actually really smart ( for years she had been holding the book upside down) she then went to Yale and had a grand old time.

                                     And finally, she had the wedding of her dreams
I think i may have ruined the whole movie, but oh well.

I QUIT! *no, not really*

lets be honest. I don't have a job, and I do not know exactly what job I want and how I am going to get it.
But, thanks to everybody's these peoples wonderful examples  I sure as hell know how I am going to quit.

Steven Slater has gained a special kind of notoriety these past couple days after quitting his flight attendant job after cursing out a customer, grabbing a beer, and sliding down the emergency chute. He ended up being arrested, but imagine the vindication he felt sliding down that chute? Totally worth it

Although now this has been dubbed a hoax  yesterday a girl going by the name of "Jenny" got America's attention by "quitting" her job via dry-erase board. We really hope that someone takes the idea to quit by emailng a photo essay to every employee at the company, especially if it exposes your boss' FarmVille obsession.

Neil Berret wins for most creative resignation letter, which he had written on a sheet cake in frosting. See his Flickr to read the resignation letter. 
A programmer for a company called 2K quit his job by creating a Mario flash game for his employers to play. With each score, the words "I QUIT!" flash incessantly on the screen, providing his ex-bosses with some pleasure with their inconvenience.

I love this so much! This guy wanted to quit his job at Borders. Sounds simple enough, right? But he also wanted to go out with bang. Conveniently, the 7th Harry Potter book was about to be released, so he brought a video camera into the stock room and started revealing the much-anticipated plot. This guy 1, Borders 0

yep, thats enough blogging for about a week








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